Raw Emotions

I guess I will first start off with an update on my previous posts.

So far my sister in law, Michele, is doing well. I too, have recovered from surgery and my doctor seems to think that it should never happen again. I haven't been posting for several reasons. One being, that I have had computer issues that I think I finally have worked out and second, I just haven't brought myself to do so.

I have been a complete mess. When I had said in one of my posts that I wasn't sure what kind of ride the Lord was going to take me on, well the ride has surely started.

I wanted to start this blog to be able to write about my journey so I could look back on it and see the Lord's leading and yet it has been so hard for me to write about my heartaches.

The past few months have been very rough. We are about to lose our home, I cannot find a job for the life of me, my emotions have been wild to say the least. I'm just not myself lately. I am normally the one who lifts everyones spirits up and lately without even saying a word, people I don't even know, have asked me if I'm OK. I guess they can read my face. Please know, that I know that the stress I have in my life right now doesn't even compare to others, but I think that's what is so important about blogs. That you are able to talk about your problems but then read about others and set your problems aside and pray for others needs. It really puts me in my place sometimes. Not saying that all blogs are just people who are talking about their problems either. Everyone has good days and bad and sometimes it brings me joy to read about others being blessed.

I for a while had been holding on so well, until, I found out that someone who I thought I knew sooo well, was cheating on her husband. It has affected me so much. I have become so bitter. I trusted her, and my kids looked up to her. I feel so betrayed even though I know that I'm not the one who was really betrayed. It really took me by surprise. It is just such a selfish act. I just don't understand how someone can do that to their family. She tells me, " Life is just complicated"........... WHAT???.......... I told her to read some blogs of families who are truly hurting and she will see how UNCOMPLICATED her life really is.

I know that the Lord will bring people to rock bottom to bring them up to where they belong. I am holding onto that and will continue to pray for her even though it is hard for me to do so. I really just want to smack some sense into her. (see there goes my wild emotions). Why is it so hard to pray for the Lord to fix someone your mad at?

I guess probably because I'm not where the Lord wants me to be, and I'm still being brought up.

I know that this post probably isn't one that many will want to read but it's one I needed to write. I pray that I soon will have happier ones to post but for now I just needed to vent.

Amy